Keeping Busy

KC's been here for a little more than a month and I'm busier than ever. A trusted friend had a friend who runs a home day, so KC goes there 4 days a week while I work. KK, my 19 yo son watches him from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. the two days I have the night shift. 

I've been keeping up with everything pretty well until last week when I got caught up with the new Farmville 2 game on Facebook. I'm sooo ashamed! My house is a mess, I haven't found have the sources I need for my thesis paper and the first rough draft is due next Sunday, and I haven't done any of my work for my other class, which is due Tuesday.

All that said, though, this month has gone a lot smoother than the summer months. Juggling a toddler with work and my Master's program is still easier than dealing with the same toddler while recuperating from surgery. 

KC enjoying frozen yogurt with a lot of goodies mixed in!

Me and KC, Again?

I'm planning a trip to the city where my daughter and KC live. My second son, G,  also lives there and KK and I will be staying with him. We're driving down on Friday and I planned on dropping KK off at G's apartment on Friday, then spending the rest of the day with my daughter and the baby. 

Daughter has been telling me that she got hired for a call center and they are sending her to California for 4 weeks for training. She is taking KC with her because there is an on-site daycare. She also has a new boyfriend and even though they've been dating for less than 2 weeks, they're in love and planning on getting married.

Today she asked me if I would take KC home with me this weekend. She still claims she's going to California for training, but the friend she is living with is being a bitch and she just can't stand to be around her anymore. Her new bf, who doesn't have a job, is also living with a friend and his friend will let her stay, but not KC.

Her long-range goal is move back here with the bf, take KC back, and enter the family program she was in prior to leaving KC with me the first time. This program is for homeless families. The families sleep at local churches for a week at a time and spend their days at the program house, looking for work and attending workshops. Since Daughter fought with all of the other families in the program and conned the program directors into paying for her ticket to Texas, I would be amazed if they let her come back. 

My ability to take Casey hinges on finding daycare for him. In my limited spare time this week, that's what I'll be doing.

Getting Organized

I finally got my desk cleaned off and set up my laptop and extra monitor. I also made a dinner menu and have mostly stuck to it. We were suppose to have homemade pizza pockets last night, but KK ate the pepperoni, so we had Skip (make it yourself or skip it). We'll have the pizza pockets tonight instead of the crock pot chicken macaroni and cheese. I'm going to have to do something different with that one, since I read the entire recipe after I bought the ingredients and it's not a crock pot recipe. That's what I get for finding meal ideas on Pinterest.

Being Social

I'm a very shy introvert and it's hard for me to go out and socialize with my friends when I'm feeling good. This summer I didn't feel good and saw one friend, once a week, because she insisted. Now that the depression is lifting and I'm physically feeling better, it's time to go out. Tonight, it's a wine tasting with one friend, tomorrow it's pizza with another, and next weekend a group of us are going out to dinner and a movie. Good times are coming.

Cookies!

One of the best parts at working in a Tutoring Center is taking cookies to work. I love to make cookies, but neither KK or I are big sweets eaters. For the last 3 years I've made a batch or two of cookies every Sunday night, saved 4 or 5, and taken the rest to work. The students and teachers enjoy the cookies and I get happy brownie points.

Pinterest has also helped in the cookie department. I've spent the summer pinning new cookie recipes and plan to try at least 2 a month. Not today, today's cookie was cake mix Chocolate Chocolate Chip because I haven't had time or the money to stock up on good ingredients. Besides, they're moist, delicious, and filled with chocolate.

Back to Work!

I'm back to my old tutoring/computer lab monitoring job at the college. I went in Wednesday to find out my hours and was asked if I could work Thursday - Sunday from 9-4. I was confused when I got to the lab and found it open, but didn't ask any questions. Then I got an email from my supervisor that the hours were 8-4 Thursday & Friday and 10-4 Saturday & Sunday. He still doesn't have the semester schedule finished and it starts on Monday. He's definitely not an anal-retentive SJ.

I've put in 3 applications this week, plus when I looked on-line at the State Jobs site I saw that my application had gone out to 2 different universities for 4 different jobs. The jobs I applied for are at this college and I really hope I get one of them. They're entry-level and low paying, but they include benefits and are still better than minimum wage. 

My dad loaned me money to tide me over until my financial aide gets here, work is starting, and the temperature is going down, as is my stress level. I do so much better within a routine, now all I have to do is finish rearranging and cleaning my house and life will be just peachy.

I Need My Schedule

Last Fall I made a budget for the year that included setting aside enough money to pay all my bills through July, thus giving me approximately 2 1/2 months to find a job. Unfortunately, I didn't plan for cancer, surgery, and grandbaby, so this month has been very, very tight. I start working next weekend at the college and plan on getting a part time retail job to help cover expenses, but in order to do that, I need to have a work schedule. It was suppose to be emailed last Monday, then last Friday, and then today...nope, still not there.

I'm not sure if the Universe is trying to drive me crazy or teach me flexibility. Either way, I'm pretty sure it hates me.

Confessions of a People Pleaser

A couple of weeks ago my mom called to let me know that my step-dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. She was understandably upset and very concerned about her financial future without my dad. Her retirement funds will only cover about half of what it takes to keep her home. Her solution was to invite me to move in with her, anticipating that as a newly graduated computer/web technician I would make more than enough to make up the difference.

A few days later my second son offered to allow me and my youngest son (his bio-brother) to live with him, free, until I got a job. My youngest son, who has not seen his brother for 5 years and has missed him dearly, is very much in favor of this move and has been badgering me for the last 2 weeks about making a decision.

When these conversations took place I was in the midst of an anxiety phase, worrying how I was going to pay rent, bills, and finding a babysitter so I could get a job. So, I may have given both my mom and my son the impression I was ready and willing to move in with them. Since then, the baby went back to his mama, second son repaid me money he had borrowed and I was able to pay bills, and I have a part time job that starts at the end of the month which, when coupled with my left-over financial aid, will be enough to get buy frugally until the end of the school year.

I don't want to move from my little college town. My mom lives several states to the east in a small Utah town that is about the same size as mine, so the job opportunities are going to be about the same there as they are here. My son lives in the largest city in my state, so moving there makes more sense. But, I don't want to move.

Now, I just have to face the music and tell both of them, I don't want to move. *Sigh*

Situational Depression or Surgical Menopause?

I'm rotating between depressed, anxious, irritable, really freaking mad, and apathy. And I'm experiencing hot flashes in the midst of 95+ temperature.  Yesterday my best friend took me to McDonald's so we could drink cheap soda and visit. It was nice, but I kept spacing out. I miss KC more than I expected and I can't seem to bring myself to pack up the extra toys and toddler paraphernalia his mom left in her hurry to get going.

So, the bad - I don't have a real job, my step-dad has prostate cancer & my mom wants me to move five states over to help financially, my second son lives in the same city as my daughter & KC and wants me to move in with him, my youngest son (his bio-brother) wants this also and has been pestering me nonstop to commit to the move, and I hate change, hate moving, and don't want to leave my friends. But the chances of me finding a job/career in my field in our small town is slim, so I'm pretty sure a move is in the future.

The good - I'm healing, I've lost 20 pounds, I registered for classes for my Master's program and found out my residual check will be more and come sooner than I expected, which will help financially, I was rehired at the college I just graduated from as a part time tutor, I could live very frugally here during the school year.

Depression is a lying bitch (#The Bloggess). Things will get better, maybe not right away, but eventually.

Bye Bye Baby

Well my daughter took KC back. She called me yesterday at 3 pm to tell me she was making the 6 hour drive to get him. She showed up at 11:30 pm, agreed to stay the night, then woke him up at 5 am so she could high-tail it without having to engage in any conversation more in-depth than "Do we have all his sippy cups?"

She has no job, no job skills, and is living with "close friends" she never mentioned until she needed an escape from her on-line love. I'm frustrated, angry, worried, and kind of relieved to be free from her drama.

Bye bye, KC, I love you to pieces!

Summer Cold

KC has a lingering summer cold with an occasional horrible hoarse cough. He had croup earlier this year and the cough sounded the same, so I had his doctor check him out. She heard the cough, but his lungs are clear, his temperature is normal, and his ears look good. She said he had a red throat, so if he's acting fussy as if he's in pain, to give him infant Tylenol and push fluids. Unfortunately, this has meant breaking out the Kool-Aid. He won't drink water and juice gives him diarrhea, so he's getting watered down Kool-Aid and a lot of extra teeth brushing.

KC reading his favorite book.

Our Daily Routine

KC and I head to the park every morning at about 9 AM. He's an early to bed, early to rise boy, so by then he's been up 3-4 hours and is ready to move. After 30-45 minutes of running and climbing, he gets to swing for 15 minutes and then we had home for lunch. He's down for a nap at 11 and usually sleeps until 12:30 or 1. At 2 he has a snack of yogurt and fruit, then he trashes the living room, we practice writing on the white board, play with blocks, and jump on the air mattress. Dinner is around 5, bath is at 7, and he's usually in bed by 7:30 PM. It's more boring than I remember with my youngest at that age, but then I had 4 older kids to amuse the baby while I spent time cleaning, cooking, and even occasionally reading for more than 5 minutes during daylight hours. I've tried taking him out to the park in the afternoon, but he ends up napping afterwards and doesn't want to go to bed until 10 or 11.

This boy is a climbing machine!

Apparently I suck at blogging...who knew? Oh well, such is life. Bedtime was one of my daughter's hardest tasks with KC, so it was something I knew I wanted to keep simple. Part of the problem was Daughter's belief that KC needed to learn to sleep through anything, which meant she kept the lights on, the TV blaring, and then put him in a headlock so he couldn't move and rocked him for hours while he screamed.

Our routine is a little easier. At 11:30 AM and 7:30 PM, he gets a sippy cup of milk, brushes his teeth, and gets put to bed with his binky. Because of the extreme heat, we're both sleeping in the air conditioned living room, rather than my unventilated and extremely hot bedroom. I turn off the TV, close the curtains, shut off the light, and get on the computer. I also have 27 minutes of instrumental music I play. He rarely makes it past the second song.

Since my DVR is not working, this means I'm missing out on most of my TV watching, but it also means I get some quiet time twice a day. Since the surgery, I've been napping when he naps and most nights I'm in bed by 8:30. All in all, it's working for both of us.

KC - 5 minutes after being put down.

Recuperating Takes Time When You're Old

I had my hysterectomy last week and haven't had much computer/Internet time since then. KC grabs at the computer, so I had been using it when he was asleep. This last week, I've been going to bed when he does, sleeping late, and napping during his nap times, so no blog updates.

While I was in the hospital, KC stayed with a friend who took him to her daughter's house overnight to play with her granddaughters, one who is 4 and the other is 16 months, just like KC.

To no one's surprise, Texas On-Line Boyfriend has turned out to be a dud and my daughter is begging people for money to send her back. She's pretty put-out that I won't use the Kinship Grant money I get for KC on a plane ticket for her. If I thought sending her money would make her or KC's lives better, I'd do it, but she'll just take KC and then take off with some other guy who promises to love her forever, which seems to be for about 2 weeks.

KC at the hotel - fake crying because Grammy said "No".

Captain Destructo

Yesterday was a pretty frustrating day for both KC and me. He hadn't slept well the night before, which meant I didn't either, and he was very defiant and destructive. Although I've worked hard to child-proof the apartment, he worked harder to get into things out of reach and angrily shook and banged furniture whenever he was redirected. Plus, he screeched, hit, stomped his feet, and threw himself on the floor at the least provocation. He was pulling my hair and when I  stopped him and said "No", he grabbed my glasses off my face, snapped them in two, and threw them down. I've been keeping his books in the magazine holder attached to my desk and in less than 10 minutes he had pulled it apart and stomped the bottom off.

Since my cheapo college insurance doesn't cover glasses, I'm wearing my prescription sunglasses until I can get to my eye doctor and hope he takes pity on my and solders the frames back together. Thankfully, today has been better for both of us.

Taking a water break before completing his destruction of my magazine holder.

The Leash

I had an appointment at Health & Welfare to get rent assistance, to go along with my food stamps and grandchild cash assistance. This is the first time in my adult life I have needed help and it's been a humbling experience.  But, I'll get over it.

I'll get over the Leash Looks, too. KC has a cute Lion harness that I use when we're going to be some place where my attention will not be on him 100 percent or, since I don't have a stroller, when we're going to be walking around in non-toddler proof areas. He was wearing his harness at H&W and one of the other mothers there was deeply offended. She commented a couple times to her probably 4 year old daughter how easy it was to teach little ones to sit quietly like she was if they had something to occupy them. Then she gave KC several books, which he immediately threw on the floor and went back to his fun game of walking to the end of the leash, laughing, and running back to me. I put the books on the table next to me, KC pushed them back onto the floor, so I put them back on the bookshelf and moved where he couldn't reach them. This made the Offended Lady decide he needed a coloring book and crayons. I had her take the crayons away, telling her he eats them and he decided to toss the coloring book onto the floor, then get back to his own game of walking off and running back. Thankfully, we were called into the office before Offended Lady could come up with something else to offer him.

As for the leash, I used one with my youngest son and had several doctors tell me they wished more people would use them. The social workers at H&W have all been positive and my oncology doctor told me she used one for all four of her kids. So suck it, Offended Lady.

He's young, he's fast, and he doesn't have asthma - thank God for the Lion Leash.

Trying New Things

My daughter tends to be a bit narcissistic, which isn't uncommon for people with Borderline Personality Disorder. Since dinner was the only real meal she ate, that was the only real meal she fed KC. To keep him from fussing, she supplied him with a sippy cup filled with either milk or juice and fed him from her never-ending supply of junk food until dinner time. 

She also rocked him to sleep, but since his nap time/bedtime was when she was tired of him, there was no consistency. Plus, she didn't believe in turning off the TV, the lights, or being the least bit quiet, so it took a long time to get him to sleep and he woke up frequently.

Eventually we'll have a regular schedule, but for right now, I'm working on feeding KC every 2-3 hours, offering milk or juice only at those times, and boring him to sleep when he's tired. I printed off a daily food guide for toddlers and try to keep his meals as balanced as possible. The sippy cup has ice water and when he starts shaking the water out, it gets put up until he's thirsty again. He sleeps in the living room, so when it's sleeping time, I turn off the TV, close the curtains, and break out the pacifier.  We rock for about 10 minutes and then I put him to bed and quietly play on the computer. Sometimes he'll stand, but every five minutes I lay him back down. So far, he's always fallen asleep after 20 minutes. 

The results are pretty positive. He's a lot less whiny and is sleeping later in the morning. Since he's not getting up at 6 AM, I've eliminated his morning nap and take him to the park to wear himself out before lunch instead, which makes him sleep longer after lunch and gives me a much needed break.

KC - sitting in the big chair, eating watermelon...Like A Boss!

In the Beginning

A long time ago, in a state several hours away, a city girl fell in love with a farmer and they were happily married soon after. The city girl (me) had always wanted a large family, but the Farmer couldn't have kids and wasn't sure if he wanted them. So, we compromised and did emergency foster care for our county. Once a month or so a small child or two stayed with us, usually just for a night or weekend, but never longer than two weeks. After a couple of years of this, we received a sibling group of five young children. The youngest was only three weeks old and the others were 3, 5, 6, and 7. When it became obvious that their birth parents weren't ready to have them back after two weeks, we agreed to transfer to regular foster care so the kids could stay together. When the baby was four months old, their birth parents decided to relinquish their rights and we were allowed to adopt them.


When the baby was five, and obviously no longer a baby, the Farmer quit farming and we moved to a very rural community in a nearby state. Four years later, the Farmer died unexpectedly of a heart attack, leaving me with five children ages 9-16. In the nine years we had been parenting together, we dealt with a lot of issues stemming from early neglect, horrific abuse, and genetic mental disabilities. In the 10 years since their father's death, the children have become adults. Some are doing better than others, but all live on the margin of society due to issues they have no control over.


This summer was suppose to be my reentry into the world outside of extreme parenting, but God loves a good joke as much as the next deity and everything has changed. 2 weeks before I graduated from college with a double major in Computer Networking and Web Design, I found out I had uterine cancer. The week after I graduated, the job I had lined up disappeared. In the 6 weeks since, my doctors have delayed surgery due to other medical issues and it's hard to get a job when you don't know when you can actually start working. Today my youngest daughter flew across the country to live with her One True Love, a man she met on an on-line dating site. She left behind her 16 month old son, KC. Because I only have temporary guardianship of him, she can have him back whenever she wants, so this blog will be a record of our journey.

KC - all tuckered out from a morning helping Grammy destroy clean the living room.