Being Social

I'm a very shy introvert and it's hard for me to go out and socialize with my friends when I'm feeling good. This summer I didn't feel good and saw one friend, once a week, because she insisted. Now that the depression is lifting and I'm physically feeling better, it's time to go out. Tonight, it's a wine tasting with one friend, tomorrow it's pizza with another, and next weekend a group of us are going out to dinner and a movie. Good times are coming.

Cookies!

One of the best parts at working in a Tutoring Center is taking cookies to work. I love to make cookies, but neither KK or I are big sweets eaters. For the last 3 years I've made a batch or two of cookies every Sunday night, saved 4 or 5, and taken the rest to work. The students and teachers enjoy the cookies and I get happy brownie points.

Pinterest has also helped in the cookie department. I've spent the summer pinning new cookie recipes and plan to try at least 2 a month. Not today, today's cookie was cake mix Chocolate Chocolate Chip because I haven't had time or the money to stock up on good ingredients. Besides, they're moist, delicious, and filled with chocolate.

Back to Work!

I'm back to my old tutoring/computer lab monitoring job at the college. I went in Wednesday to find out my hours and was asked if I could work Thursday - Sunday from 9-4. I was confused when I got to the lab and found it open, but didn't ask any questions. Then I got an email from my supervisor that the hours were 8-4 Thursday & Friday and 10-4 Saturday & Sunday. He still doesn't have the semester schedule finished and it starts on Monday. He's definitely not an anal-retentive SJ.

I've put in 3 applications this week, plus when I looked on-line at the State Jobs site I saw that my application had gone out to 2 different universities for 4 different jobs. The jobs I applied for are at this college and I really hope I get one of them. They're entry-level and low paying, but they include benefits and are still better than minimum wage. 

My dad loaned me money to tide me over until my financial aide gets here, work is starting, and the temperature is going down, as is my stress level. I do so much better within a routine, now all I have to do is finish rearranging and cleaning my house and life will be just peachy.

I Need My Schedule

Last Fall I made a budget for the year that included setting aside enough money to pay all my bills through July, thus giving me approximately 2 1/2 months to find a job. Unfortunately, I didn't plan for cancer, surgery, and grandbaby, so this month has been very, very tight. I start working next weekend at the college and plan on getting a part time retail job to help cover expenses, but in order to do that, I need to have a work schedule. It was suppose to be emailed last Monday, then last Friday, and then today...nope, still not there.

I'm not sure if the Universe is trying to drive me crazy or teach me flexibility. Either way, I'm pretty sure it hates me.

Confessions of a People Pleaser

A couple of weeks ago my mom called to let me know that my step-dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. She was understandably upset and very concerned about her financial future without my dad. Her retirement funds will only cover about half of what it takes to keep her home. Her solution was to invite me to move in with her, anticipating that as a newly graduated computer/web technician I would make more than enough to make up the difference.

A few days later my second son offered to allow me and my youngest son (his bio-brother) to live with him, free, until I got a job. My youngest son, who has not seen his brother for 5 years and has missed him dearly, is very much in favor of this move and has been badgering me for the last 2 weeks about making a decision.

When these conversations took place I was in the midst of an anxiety phase, worrying how I was going to pay rent, bills, and finding a babysitter so I could get a job. So, I may have given both my mom and my son the impression I was ready and willing to move in with them. Since then, the baby went back to his mama, second son repaid me money he had borrowed and I was able to pay bills, and I have a part time job that starts at the end of the month which, when coupled with my left-over financial aid, will be enough to get buy frugally until the end of the school year.

I don't want to move from my little college town. My mom lives several states to the east in a small Utah town that is about the same size as mine, so the job opportunities are going to be about the same there as they are here. My son lives in the largest city in my state, so moving there makes more sense. But, I don't want to move.

Now, I just have to face the music and tell both of them, I don't want to move. *Sigh*

Situational Depression or Surgical Menopause?

I'm rotating between depressed, anxious, irritable, really freaking mad, and apathy. And I'm experiencing hot flashes in the midst of 95+ temperature.  Yesterday my best friend took me to McDonald's so we could drink cheap soda and visit. It was nice, but I kept spacing out. I miss KC more than I expected and I can't seem to bring myself to pack up the extra toys and toddler paraphernalia his mom left in her hurry to get going.

So, the bad - I don't have a real job, my step-dad has prostate cancer & my mom wants me to move five states over to help financially, my second son lives in the same city as my daughter & KC and wants me to move in with him, my youngest son (his bio-brother) wants this also and has been pestering me nonstop to commit to the move, and I hate change, hate moving, and don't want to leave my friends. But the chances of me finding a job/career in my field in our small town is slim, so I'm pretty sure a move is in the future.

The good - I'm healing, I've lost 20 pounds, I registered for classes for my Master's program and found out my residual check will be more and come sooner than I expected, which will help financially, I was rehired at the college I just graduated from as a part time tutor, I could live very frugally here during the school year.

Depression is a lying bitch (#The Bloggess). Things will get better, maybe not right away, but eventually.

Bye Bye Baby

Well my daughter took KC back. She called me yesterday at 3 pm to tell me she was making the 6 hour drive to get him. She showed up at 11:30 pm, agreed to stay the night, then woke him up at 5 am so she could high-tail it without having to engage in any conversation more in-depth than "Do we have all his sippy cups?"

She has no job, no job skills, and is living with "close friends" she never mentioned until she needed an escape from her on-line love. I'm frustrated, angry, worried, and kind of relieved to be free from her drama.

Bye bye, KC, I love you to pieces!

Summer Cold

KC has a lingering summer cold with an occasional horrible hoarse cough. He had croup earlier this year and the cough sounded the same, so I had his doctor check him out. She heard the cough, but his lungs are clear, his temperature is normal, and his ears look good. She said he had a red throat, so if he's acting fussy as if he's in pain, to give him infant Tylenol and push fluids. Unfortunately, this has meant breaking out the Kool-Aid. He won't drink water and juice gives him diarrhea, so he's getting watered down Kool-Aid and a lot of extra teeth brushing.

KC reading his favorite book.

Our Daily Routine

KC and I head to the park every morning at about 9 AM. He's an early to bed, early to rise boy, so by then he's been up 3-4 hours and is ready to move. After 30-45 minutes of running and climbing, he gets to swing for 15 minutes and then we had home for lunch. He's down for a nap at 11 and usually sleeps until 12:30 or 1. At 2 he has a snack of yogurt and fruit, then he trashes the living room, we practice writing on the white board, play with blocks, and jump on the air mattress. Dinner is around 5, bath is at 7, and he's usually in bed by 7:30 PM. It's more boring than I remember with my youngest at that age, but then I had 4 older kids to amuse the baby while I spent time cleaning, cooking, and even occasionally reading for more than 5 minutes during daylight hours. I've tried taking him out to the park in the afternoon, but he ends up napping afterwards and doesn't want to go to bed until 10 or 11.

This boy is a climbing machine!